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Why, why, why, why, why, oh why?: Why is it so painful when a relationship ends..

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      CommentAuthorgiacoma
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2009
     
    I have been talking to a friend of mine who was left by the man she loves for another girl some months ago, after a four years relationship.

    She's been unable to overcome this, to have a life so far. And I am worried about her.

    I have experienced this pain in my life, I have learnt it is possible to forget and forgive, but I cannot stop wondering why it so painful when it ends
  2.  
    They say it takes a person on average about half the lifetime of the relationship to get over it when it ends. For example, after a 4 year relationship, it takes about 2 years to forget and truly move on (usually when there's nobody to "help" you move on). This could be true, but also could be total crap. The bottom line is, every person deals with this differently, and in their own time. The only thing you can do is be attentive to their needs and hope for better days. Time heals all wounds...

    As to WHY it hurts that bad, it has to do with why love feels so good. The stronger the emotion, the harder it hits someone when it's gone. Regardless of the superficial things - losing a friend, losing a lover, not having a person by your side to share your thoughts and experiences with, changing your whole life's routine, and being replaced by someone else which may be the most offensive thing - you have to remember that the deepest emotion a person experiences is love and all it entails. It's something expressed beyond words, which makes its loss that much more painful and frustrating. At times, when you can't explain how you feel or why, it's all the more painful when that emotion is negative. Anyway, that's what I think.
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      CommentAuthorLozzykinz
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     
    My boyfriend broke up with me last year. It was an awful time...we had a house together, we were both at uni far away from home...and then it just all ended. He dumped me over the summer hols, because he wanted to join the RAF. At this point, we'd been dating for 3 years. He left me in a right mess, which is the main reason I had to move back home and where I still am at the moment. Anyway, I won't go into detail, but we're back together now. But during the time we split up, I was so depressed. I felt sick all of the time, I would cry when least expecting to...I was basically in bed all of the time. It was horrible, I woudnt wish that feeling on anyone. I've never felt so bad in my life.
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      CommentAuthorLozzykinz
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     
    Its so painful when it ends because you find yourselves both in that comfort zone. You would do everything together and get into routines. When all of that ends, it feels as though a piece of your heart has been ripped out of you - you feel lost. That's from my experience anyway.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     
    You actually form a physical bond with a lover, and when the bond is broken--especially suddenly or unexpectedly--it's like a real wound. Two years is about right for mourning the loss of a relationship, but it can take up to 5. But if your friend isn't functioning in her life--can't work, doesn't socialize, won't eat, stuff like that--she needs professional help.
  6.  
    I still think it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved it all. With all the pain it may involve.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     
    Absolutely agree, Possum. I'd rather have life with all the passion, regret, and lessons learned. Far more interesting that way.
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      CommentAuthorgiacoma
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     
    I agree with you both
  9.  
    I think it's better to not love at all, actually. You lose nothing in the process.
    I told mine to stay away from me, and it was a glorious day. He dumped me, then came running back. I don't do running back stuff. If you did it to me once, you'd do it to me again. If you did that to me during a terrible time in my life, you really aren't worth knowing.
  10.  
    There's some kind of magical aura about RAF, though, Lozzy. Pilots are usually quite hot.

    But if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, and later when you meet the right one, instead of the almost right one, you'll realize how necessary your break-up was.

    Or you can never meet the right one and still be happy because there's no mess in your life.
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      CommentAuthorgiacoma
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009 edited
     
    Fan I can understand your point of view as I know from direct personal experience that it can be "safer" not to love (which does not necessarily mean being alone)as no risks of losing anything "in the process" are involved. But at the same time I think that there's smtg in us that can be felt and shared only when in a love relationship. Very delicate issue...

    AND:
    No men in this thread posting, WHY ARE MEN SO INSENSITIVE TO LOVE FEELINGS!?!?!
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     
    They're carriers.
    • CommentAuthorLumberjohn
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2009
     
    "Yee all 'ungry like!"
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2009
     
    Uh, I think the line was, "Eee, I were all 'ungry like!"
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2009
     
    Lum, you might like this site:

    http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/justthewords.htm

    It's all the words to all the sketches. There's no search facility, though, so you have to know in which episode the sketch you want to quote lives. But other than that, it's a great site!
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Fan, I agree with you. To love someone is painful. And it just causes all the trouble: you worry about who you love, it hurts if the loved one say something negative. Not necessarily in a partnership only, every knd of love. Even if you just love your pet. It's the same: worry, trouble and pain all the time.
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Just ask a zoophile (?), he'd say right the same thing.
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010 edited
     
    :rolling:

    Well, yes, I guess so!

    Well, maybe a necrophile is the luckiest in love... SORRY, I COULDN'T RESIST, I know it's disgusting! :bigsmile:
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Nah, that's a really frugal love, you know... When you're the only one interested in the relationship is pretty frustrating...

    BTW, I've heard a horrible joke today...
    One guy finds a friend in the street and they start chatting.
    "You know what? Yesterday I found a girl tied to the railroad, so I untied her and we had sex! Savage sex, you know, we tried all the positions, really savage."
    "Wow, man! Did she suck your cock?"
    "No, I couldn't find her head."
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    :rolling:
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Yes, it's absolutely gross! I love it!
    ...
    What's a little pink ball getting smaller and smaller?
    A baby's head being combed with a potato peeler.
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Very good!

    Did you find the solution for John's limerick? I feel so stupid right now... But I want to figure it out! It seems everybody got it, but me...
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    No, me neither. I've been searching for the meaning of some of the words, but I only know that a "sproo" is a very sexy motherfucker.
    Don't worry, you're not the only dumbass called Chris on this forum :3
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Once you figure it out, you'll be surprised how obvious it is.
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010 edited
     
    OK, OK, don't make me feel dumber, just tell me!

    1111th post!!
  26.  
    Please refer all conversations to their rightful threads, and stop resurrecting threads from 2009.

    Thank you. - Thread police, we keep the peace. In the truly trivial things.
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      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    Wow, that 2009 of yours is so intimidating... Can you give me his number?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2010
     
    (Behold one of the worst jokes ever!)
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2010
     
    Congrats, CP! (For the amount of your comments!)
 

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