Monty Python: Happy 67th Birthday, Michael Palin!

But you can't have babies! Where's the fetus going to gestate? Are you going to keep it in a BOX?

Crucifixion? Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each.

"They said I 'adn't done anything wrong, so I could go live on an island somewhere." Nah, that's just a joke. It is crucifixion."

"It's still a good sign, by any standard!"

There shall, in that time, be rumors of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one...

That one cracks me up so badly!

BRIAN: Good morning.

FOLLOWERS: A blessing! A blessing! A blessing!...

BRIAN: No. No, please! Please! Please listen. I've got one or two things to say.

FOLLOWERS: Tell us. Tell us both of them.

BRIAN: Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!

FOLLOWERS: Yes, we're all individuals!

BRIAN: You're all different!

FOLLOWERS: Yes, we are all different!

DENNIS: I'm not.

ARTHUR: Shhhh.

FOLLOWERS: Shh. Shhhh. Shhh.

BRIAN: You've all got to work it out for yourselves!

FOLLOWERS: Yes! We've got to work it out for ourselves!

BRIAN: Exactly!

FOLLOWERS: Tell us more!

BRIAN: No! That's the point! Don't let anyone tell you what to do! Otherwise-- Ow! No!

MANDY: Come on, Brian. That's enough. That's enough.

Oooo, lookee what I found!

Another Bleedin' Monty Python Website

It's got scripts and stuff! But it's got the original LoB script, with the scene in which they actually get into the palace and attempt to kidnap Pilate's wife.

'O YOU CALLIN' BIG NOSE??!

Welease - Wogew!

WELEASE...WODEWICK!

and

CENTURION: The crowd outside is getting a bit restless, sir. Permission to disperse them, please.

PILATE: Disperse them? But I haven't addwessed them yet.

CENTURION: Ah, no. I know sir, but--

PILATE: My addwess is one of the high points of the Passover. My fwiend, Biggus Dickus, has come all the way fwom Wome just to hear it.

CENTURION: Hail Caesar.

BIGGUS: Hail Thaethar!

CENTURION: You're not-- ah, you're not, uh, thinking o-- of giving it a miss this year, then, sir?

PILATE: Give it a miss?

CENTURION: Well, it's just that they're in a rather funny mood today, sir.

PILATE: Weally, Centuwion? I'm surpwised to hear a man like you wattled by a wabble of wowdy webels.

CENTURION: A... bit thundery, sir.

PILATE: Take him away.

BRIAN: I'm a Roman! I-- I can prove it, honestly!

PILATE: And cwucify him well! Biggus.

CENTURION: Ah, I-- I really wouldn't, sir.

PILATE: Out of the way, Centuwion.

BIGGUS: Let me come with you, Pontiuth. I may be of thome athithtanth if there ith a thudden crithith.

I love the look on John's face after he hears Biggus' lisp for the first time.

No, that's not the one. The one I'm thinking of is when they're still inside, right after Biggus says, "Hail Thaether!" and John does a little double take, and a brief wave crosses over his face, where it looks like he's thinking, "Oh God, what if he wants to address the crowd too?"

Then later, when Biggus starts reading the list of prisoners (all with "s" names), John gets the most amazing look of panic in his eyes, then does a gentle face palm.

He's so fun to watch.