Fjord Moose: Tell me your problems. Your personal Mental Dustbin

no.

Okay. Like, when I was a little kid, I used to think there was an evil pony living behind my crib--which my mother made sleep in till I was almost five years old because they were too cheap to buy me a real bed. That evil pony scared the shit out of me. But I got over it. Now I know there's nothing behind my bed but dust and old shoes. No evil ponies.

Thanks for listening.

Ask yourself: "Why do I care? Is it my job to make sure my label-removing-challenged neighbors meet my standards? Can I accept them as they are?" And if the answer to the last two questions is 'no', get a pair of scissors, knock on their door, push your way in, and cut the damned labels off before they figure out what's going on.

Of course, they'll call the cops on you, and you know what the cops are like in your town, but hey--those pesky labels will be gone, won't they?

Maybe you can bribe the cop on duty to let you out of the pokey if you cut those scratchy labels out of his/her clothes.

You could start a whole new career, Fanny! Ms. Fanny Twinkle-buttercup: Label remover! You could bravely go an cut off those mattress tags that nobody dares tear off for fear of the long arm of the law finding out and imprisoning them for removing a tag that *explicitly* said "Do not remove under penalty of law" on it. You could bear that punishment for them.

Think of the fantastic karma in your next life, Fanny!

GO FOR IT, FANNY!!!

I think I'd rather have the mattress itself. Reckon how much time one gets for pilfering a mattress out a window, AND would the court believe that you were merely borrowing it for your bad back, and had every intention of returning it? OR would they believe that the mattress simply fell out the window when you bumped into it and you had no intention of stealing it? NOT that I would ever steal SOMETHING that BIG. :)

Is it true that a mistress comes between a mister and a mattress?

You're supposed to stand in a cardboard box first.


....and did those feet in ancient times,

walk upon England's Mrs Thing....

No, remember? The guys who were singing had to stand in the tea chest whilst singing Jerusalem. Up to the word "pleasant", anyway. That seemed to be the magic word.

Such a funny sketch! I love Eric when he gets peevish.

One thing about the Brits: They have a strange sense of pomp. That poem sounds like it was written by a lunatic! I know it wasn't; Mr. Thing would be very cross with me if he heard me say that, as he's a huge William Blake fan. But still...


Eric said they sang it with the Ls and Rs reversed at Graham's memorial service. He claims they were singing in Japanese. Stupid git.

Bling me my bow, of bulning gord
Bling me my allows of desile
Bling me my speal, oh crouds unford!
Bling me my chaliot of file!

Etc., etc.

No, but we have Boring, Hell, River Styx, and Intercourse. (Oregon, Michigan, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania towns.)

Oh please--Santorum is a joke! He should be in the ministry, not running for public office. I don't think even the GOP likes him.

Personally, I think Newt Gingrich is way more embarrassing than Rick Santorum.

Given the utter shit Santorum has been spewing lately, I retract my previous statement. The man is delusional! Now he thinks Obama's plan to make college more affordable is a subtle left-wing plot to brainwash our children into being liberals! As if he doesn't know about all the fundamentalist Christian colleges and universities, the Catholic colleges and universities, the otherwise conservative ones, too. Asshole. I hope they're all so offended they stop funding his campaign. But they probably don't think he's talking about them.