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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    As John needs the money to give it to You-Know-Who, he should be employed by the Transport for London. We could hear his voice all over London, on every single bus and tube.

    I can imagine him saying this:

    'Mind the gap. I SAID MIND THE GAP, YOU SILLY BASTARD! OH, YOU BROKE YOUR LEG, YOU IDIOT! I WARNED YOU! Oh, the stupid git. Anyway, the next station is...'

    Or on the buses:

    'Zero zero to Somewhere. The next stop is closed therefore you're not allowed to leave this bloody thing - at least not alive.'
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    It works! I mean the forum seems fine now.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    I'd love to hear him saying, "You are riding the COCKfosters line...."

    I just know he'd say it dirty.
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    Oh, yeah, that's a good one, MrsT!!! :rolling: TFL definitely needs John! We should write them a petition.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    He could come to America and record stuff for people who want pauncy-sounding voiceovers for things.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    OK, this thread also appeared on twitter. Maybe the forum's fixed now. But yeah... who's fixing it, if we have no admins?
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    That's also a good idea, MrsT. He can do that everywhere in the world. :bigsmile:

    And every bus routes in the world... (okay, poor John would go mad, so it's not a good idea).
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    He'd just have to record them once, then collect the fee and move on. His voice would live on in posterity after he died. People would ask, "Whose voice is that?" and the drivers would reply, "Some English dude; died a few years ago. I think he was a comedian or something."
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    Yeah, sure. But there are billions of bus lines over the world. He'd go mad. He should do the bus lines for UK, Europe & US. It's still too much, though.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    He's already done a GPS. How much worse could the bus lines be?
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    I'd love to hear his GPS:
    "In point five kilometers, turn left. Turn left now. I SAID turn left! Now you've missed it you silly sod, and I'll have to recalculate. >sigh< All right, take the next left. Good. In point 8 kilometers, take another left. WHAT?! You missed it again?! Jesus Christ, you drive like my ex-wife. Now you're hopelessly lost. What am I to do with you? *SIGH* RE-CALCU-FUCKING-LATING! In point five kilometers, take a left. [sacastically] Good show! Now in point five kilometers, take another left. Now proceed to the first left you were supposed to take, and LISTEN TO ME this time and make the turn when I tell you to! [aside] Jesus Christ, these idiots are irritating! Why did I take this job in the first place? Oh yeah...to pay off The Beast. >sigh< In point three kilometers, turn left, and if you miss it this time, you're on your own, you stupid bastard!"
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    Yeah, I know he's done it, but I guess it's more complicated to record all bus routes of the world. Or I don't know, anyway, he should do it!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2011
     
    I'll buy one. Chrissy or MT can write a dialog to get around my brain!
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      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeDec 6th 2011
     
    LMAO MrsT!!! I actually HEARD that GPS talking in JC's voice while I was reading it. Magic! I wish I'd thought of that (you will, thumble, you will).

    I always thought it should have been John at the complaints desk in the Travel Agent sketch. Bleedin Watney's Red Barrel an' all.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 15th 2011
     
    Hotdog Man.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 16th 2011
     
    He would say on the buses:

    'Please move down in the bus. There are more seats on the upper deck. Don't stand on the upper deck. DON'T STAND ON THE FUCKING UPPER DECK, YOU BASTARD! IT'S DANGEROUS! OK, THANKS GOD, YOU FELL OUT THROUGH THE FUCKING WINDOW AND THE BUS HAS JUST KNOCKED YOU OFF! I WARNED YOU! NEXT TIME YOU WILL SIT ON THE BLOODY UPPER DECK!
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 16th 2011
     
    That was a thrill for me when I was in England. We don't have buses with upstairses in the US. I rode on the top even when there were plenty of seats on the driver's level.

    I like it better on top.

    :wink:
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 17th 2011 edited
     
    A variety is worth a ticket.(?) I prefer the top, too. The June weather was great, rainand all!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2011
     
    Let's run him for President..that stuff about being born in Weston, England was a snobby fake. He was really born in Anniston Alabama. Good southern boy. He would win in a flash.
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      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeDec 20th 2011
     
    I prefer underneath, but thrusting upwards.







    (Oh naughty, naughty thumble).
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 20th 2011
     
    I did not know you thrusted on buses. I thought it was bumping. I guess one can do that on top, too!
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2011
     
    'one can do that on top, too!' Yeah, sure, Zelda... whatever you want to do on top... :wink:
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2011
     
    Well, no offense, Chrissy, but, I was thinking of someone more arranged like Big.

    You know, uh, bigger below waist..That is just the way I fit.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2011
     
    ***mrsthing fans herself vigorously***
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2011
     
    Another optimal job for John:

    Marriage Advisor (NO!)
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    "Sure, get married; weddings are so much fun. Any excuse for a party where I'm the center of attention! Besides, women love weddings, makes 'em so grateful, y'know what I mean? nudge-nudge :wink::wink: I get to plan a honeymoon trip with my bride and 20 of my closest friends; get my picture in dozens of newspapers, looking smart in my tux or stirring up controversy in my jeans and docksiders, a gorgeous young blonde on my arm that makes me look 15 years younger than I really am. Everyone will be talking about me! I'll work it around my tour schedule... I'll make sure all the tabloids talk to my friend Michael Winner, too, because that always stirs up publicity. Besides, I just *love* the irony of planning my honeymoon around my alimony tour! HAH!"
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    And of course, he'll get Garry to tweet about it on his account!
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    Oh John, you dirty, selfish old bastard. I love you!
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    Garry would organise everything...
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    I just think we are ALL jealous...face it. She is his type and was clever enough to catch him We could have done it, too...Be good sports! @$**@^&*?
    DUCK!
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    'I just think we are ALL jealous...face it. She is his type and was clever enough to catch him We could have done it, too...'

    I must agree with you, Zelda...

    Well, partially. We could have done it, but none of us his type. And we would never fucked him up, and we would never steal his money.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    Excuse me!
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2011
     
    I forgive you... but why? :bigsmile:
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2011
     
    John would be a fantastic psychologist.

    Patient

    And I've got a terrible childhood.


    John

    Oh, shut up, your childhood couldn't be worse than mine.


    Patient

    Oh, yes, it was!


    John

    Oh, no, it wasn't!


    Patient

    But yes, it was more terrible than yours!


    John

    Oh, piss off, you moaning little bastard! I know it wasn't!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2011
     
    Maybe a prisob gaurd would be better?
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2011
     
    A prison guard? Hmmm, I'm not sure he'd enjoy it. It's too depressing, I suppose. And there wouldn't be blonde, thin, American beauties. There's a little chance for him to be given a job in a female-prison.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeDec 29th 2011
     
    I'm definitely not jealous. I know I'm not his type and never will be. Still hoping for that cup of coffee and an hour or two of conversation, but no, I don't want to be his wife. And I'd never want to be that gaunt. I would like to be thinner, but I know I'll never look like that no matter how much weight I lose. And anyway, is he really intending to marry again, or was that just tabloid-style gossip for gossip's sake? And who gives a fuck what I think? I'm not him; it's not my life; it's none of my bloody business whether he marries a 4th time or a 14th time.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    D'aacord1!
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011 edited
     
    I'm not his type, either, and I accept that. I would lose weight (especially as much as being like Jenny) for nobody's sake, not even for John's sake, that's for sure. If I do so, and make my hair blonde and get a fake American accent, and get a chance with John - then what's the point? That wouldn't be me.
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    As for the tabloid thing: I guess that was just a gossip, at least for now. But I wouldn't be surprised if he does it again. Yeah, it's his life, it's his responsibility and business to make it better or worse.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    But I'm a bit disappointed that he didn't wish us Merry Xmas, not even on Twitter. He'd always done in the previous years. Last year he hadn't wished Xmas & New Year on forum, but he'd done on Twitter.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    It's still not too late for New Year... :wink:
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    " I don't want to be his wife."

    Me neither, MrsT, I mean, I'm against marriage anyway.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2011
     
    I was right. He actually tweeted us an early New Year good wish. :bigsmile:
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2011
     
    How Nice.
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      CommentAuthorchris14
    • CommentTimeJan 1st 2012
     
    Yeah, he is. :wink: