Fjord Moose: Optimal jobs for John

As John needs the money to give it to You-Know-Who, he should be employed by the Transport for London. We could hear his voice all over London, on every single bus and tube.

I can imagine him saying this:

'Mind the gap. I SAID MIND THE GAP, YOU SILLY BASTARD! OH, YOU BROKE YOUR LEG, YOU IDIOT! I WARNED YOU! Oh, the stupid git. Anyway, the next station is...'

Or on the buses:

'Zero zero to Somewhere. The next stop is closed therefore you're not allowed to leave this bloody thing - at least not alive.'

I'd love to hear him saying, "You are riding the COCKfosters line...."

I just know he'd say it dirty.

He could come to America and record stuff for people who want pauncy-sounding voiceovers for things.

That's also a good idea, MrsT. He can do that everywhere in the world.

And every bus routes in the world... (okay, poor John would go mad, so it's not a good idea).

Yeah, sure. But there are billions of bus lines over the world. He'd go mad. He should do the bus lines for UK, Europe & US. It's still too much, though.

I'd love to hear his GPS:
"In point five kilometers, turn left. Turn left now. I SAID turn left! Now you've missed it you silly sod, and I'll have to recalculate. >sigh< All right, take the next left. Good. In point 8 kilometers, take another left. WHAT?! You missed it again?! Jesus Christ, you drive like my ex-wife. Now you're hopelessly lost. What am I to do with you? *SIGH* RE-CALCU-FUCKING-LATING! In point five kilometers, take a left. [sacastically] Good show! Now in point five kilometers, take another left. Now proceed to the first left you were supposed to take, and LISTEN TO ME this time and make the turn when I tell you to! [aside] Jesus Christ, these idiots are irritating! Why did I take this job in the first place? Oh yeah...to pay off The Beast. >sigh< In point three kilometers, turn left, and if you miss it this time, you're on your own, you stupid bastard!"

I'll buy one. Chrissy or MT can write a dialog to get around my brain!

Hotdog Man.

That was a thrill for me when I was in England. We don't have buses with upstairses in the US. I rode on the top even when there were plenty of seats on the driver's level.

I like it better on top.

Let's run him for President..that stuff about being born in Weston, England was a snobby fake. He was really born in Anniston Alabama. Good southern boy. He would win in a flash.

I did not know you thrusted on buses. I thought it was bumping. I guess one can do that on top, too!

Well, no offense, Chrissy, but, I was thinking of someone more arranged like Big.

You know, uh, bigger below waist..That is just the way I fit.

Another optimal job for John:

Marriage Advisor (NO!)

And of course, he'll get Garry to tweet about it on his account!

Garry would organise everything...

'I just think we are ALL jealous...face it. She is his type and was clever enough to catch him We could have done it, too...'

I must agree with you, Zelda...

Well, partially. We could have done it, but none of us his type. And we would never fucked him up, and we would never steal his money.

I forgive you... but why?

Maybe a prisob gaurd would be better?

I'm definitely not jealous. I know I'm not his type and never will be. Still hoping for that cup of coffee and an hour or two of conversation, but no, I don't want to be his wife. And I'd never want to be that gaunt. I would like to be thinner, but I know I'll never look like that no matter how much weight I lose. And anyway, is he really intending to marry again, or was that just tabloid-style gossip for gossip's sake? And who gives a fuck what I think? I'm not him; it's not my life; it's none of my bloody business whether he marries a 4th time or a 14th time.

I'm not his type, either, and I accept that. I would lose weight (especially as much as being like Jenny) for nobody's sake, not even for John's sake, that's for sure. If I do so, and make my hair blonde and get a fake American accent, and get a chance with John - then what's the point? That wouldn't be me.

But I'm a bit disappointed that he didn't wish us Merry Xmas, not even on Twitter. He'd always done in the previous years. Last year he hadn't wished Xmas & New Year on forum, but he'd done on Twitter.

" I don't want to be his wife."

Me neither, MrsT, I mean, I'm against marriage anyway.

How Nice.