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The Spanking New John Cleese Forum - Paul McCartney is Engaged
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    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2011
    Very sad but true. Paul is engaged to Nancy Shevell.,0,1355496.story



    *whistles awkwardly*
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2011
    Right. Shhh!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2011
    Hey, Fanny...Uh, want to go fishing for few days? I'll bring the bait!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2011
    Guess she heard. Rest in peace, Fanny. Or maybe I should say,
    I think she's a great choice for Paul. I think marriage is stupid, but not everybody is as wise as I am. She seems very nice. I like her so much better than that second wife. All in all, I wish them the best. He certainly deserves it, and she does, too. I was a bit apprehensive at first, only because I kept reading John Cleese was getting married, and then Paul was getting married, and I put two and two together and thought, dear Lord! Are they marrying each other? Which one would I cheer for? Oh yes, it would be Paul. Sorry, Mr. Cleese, but Paul will always come first. But you are in the top fifty, and that's very, very cool. Okay, you're second place. Stop twisting my arm.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2011
    Be gracious, Fanny. Your passive-agressiveness is showing. Now, please apologize to Mr. Cleese. This is his home and as SOUTHENERS we must be polite. No, put the knife down and walk away slowly. Do not look down. Everything will be o'k.

    * all right men. Bring the jacket but do not let her see the straps.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2011
    And let go of Fanny's butt, er, arm, jC. You can't have us all!
    I ain't apologizing for SHIT! hahahaha. Believe me, he wouldn't want this butt. Then again....oh well,if I can't have Paul, then here. Here Mr. Cleese. Here is my butt. (!) It's all yours. Four years of operations, and two years of hormone pills. I am no longer a man. I am no longer a mammal, either, in fact, I no longer have a butt on my butt. It's on my shoulders. I've become a fish, a fish called Wander. I need a margarita. I shall return later.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2011
    Forgive her, JC. It is the tequilla talking. She is a real woman...just in denial over Paul.
    I haven't had anything to drink. I realized I still have work tomorrow. Have to wait until the weekend. Why can't I be self-employed? I would be so good to myself.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 25th 2011
    That is a good idea! Why didn't I think of that?
    Sorry, JC. Maybe she is a fish after all. Want him Wander?
    So whatever about JC, let's get back to this Paul thing. So he's like REALLY gettng married, or just really getting engaged? I hope he's really getting married, because every time you turn on the television, there he'd be, just singing his little heart out. But JC, on the other hand, he's always getting engaged, and then something happens, like Michael Winner gets out there in a referee outfit, or Michael Palin says look she's taller than you. No, it just doesn't work out. I think it has to do with money. We should set up a collection, Zelda. We go into Alice's house and we start collecting, vcr's, tv's, cameras, jewelry, and sell them at street value. We give the money to JC. He takes the money and finds himself a mentally nonfunctional prostitute. His money is safe. Happy ending!
    WANDER: hell no.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 27th 2011
    What if she talked, though? Wouldn't that upset him? Maybe a
    lobotomy or Absinthe.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMay 27th 2011
    I don't think he just wants someone to fuck. I think he wants some conversation, too. He'll just have to have a really good, air-tight pre-nup.
    We'll pre-record the conversation. On Mondays it will be about the weather. On Tuesdays will be parts of the body that hurt. Wednesday has got to be about television programs. Thursdays recordings will be shopping lists. Friday is let's take a nap and not talk at all thank you.
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2011
    Yes, Fanny, they should marry each other.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2011
    Oh,no. That would be boring.
    Marriage IS boring, that's the point.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2011 edited
    Marriage doesn't have to be boring.
    What the hell kind of marriage are you talking about???? Get down on the ground? You are my wife now? What the fucking hell? Here, honey, put this on, I know it's all one color but you won't have to shave your legs again for the public!
    No thank you to marriage! Stupid people invented that.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2011 edited
    What are you going on about, Fanny?
    ummmmmmmm I'm going on about that marriage is just a bunch of stupid idiotic restraints on what would be a decent life except that ummmmmmmm what do you mean what am I going on about?
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeJun 9th 2011
    I do not understand. Going about where. Are you getting married again. Oh, dear me!
    Not me, not ever! Not ever again!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2011
    Once is not enough!
    You're right! Once is TOOOO MUCH!
    There should be a time limit on those things, too. Like after five years you can opt out automatically. Hell, make it two. Two years. In two years you can automatically be freed, or sign on for another two years with extra pay.