Fjord Moose: I've Lost The Most Important Man In My Llife

My grandad passed away on Tuesday. It was such a shock. He was fine the day before. They don't know how he died so they are going to do a post-mortem. The funeral isn't until a fortnight away because we have lots of bank holidays in the uk coming up because of the royal wedding. It feels surreal. Like he's still here with us. I feel as though he's always with me now. I feel closer to him than ever. Anyway, the day after his death I had a job interview. I wasn't going to go because I felt and do still feel quite emotional and tired. But grandad would have wanted me to, so I attended it and I got the job! I feel my grandad helped me get it, I really do :)

I'm also very sorry to hear it, Loz. Hope you're better now. It's very hard when someone who's close to you dies. In the last 10-14 years I've got funerals almost every single year: starting with my cats in 1997 (3 out of 4 died bc of neighbouring dogs), through my dog (2003), my final cat (2006), my grandma (2007), my father (2010) to my Piggie (this February), and I didn't include those who weren't family, but were close to me/us.

Congrats to the job, though! Work can help healing the injuries of the heart.

He will always be with and in you, Lozzy. Remember that.

So sorry for your lost, Lozzy. My condolences.

My mum, gran and my grandads brother are all going to the chapel of rest before the funeral to see him. I can't do it. I'd rather remember him the way I want to remember him than seeing him inside a coffin. This sucks. I hate life. I've done nothing but drink since my grandads death...it just makes me feel better. I don't know what else to do.

You need to take time to grieve. It's okay. You're allowed. Just make sure you're still in control.

Well I think it's different for every person, needing to see them in their final resting place... Not necessarily a good call for everyone

Wakes are kind of barbaric, if you ask me, though it means something to older people. I suppose it's part of accepting mortality, but I think the whole thing is weird. I don't want relatives having a party around my coffin, which is what wakes in America usually turn into. Everybody's catching up with relatives and friends they haven't seen since the last funeral, and there's the dead body lying right there!

I've always said that weddings and funerals are never held for the guests of honor.

My only problem was that I had nightmares after my mom's burial because they wouldn't let me watch them lower the coffin into the ground. I had nightmares that her coffin was just lying there on top of her grave, and some scarier ones I won't share here. I still want to know why that was. They refused to tell me, but it's common practice now, apparently.

Up to you, Lozzy. If it will give you closure, go to the wake. If it will give you nightmares, stay home.

I much prefer the Jewish tradition. The body isn't embalmed - there's a funeral a day or two after the person died, where everyone comes to bury the deceased (they escort the body to the grave - body is wrapped in shrouds, not in a coffin). After that, there's something called a Shivah - where the immediate family of the deceased have to stay at home for seven days, and people can come over to pay their respects. I think it's a lot nicer and more humane, also give people a proper chance to mourn, and reminds you how much family is important.

Me too.

Dolly this doesn't feel real to me either. I cried when it first happened but I haven't cried now for days. I don't want to cry at the funeral, but as soon as I see the coffin I know I will. Okay well I kind of already know what's happening on the day. A black car is picking me and other close family up from my grans house and we are then following the car in front of us that has the coffin in the back all way to the church. My grandad is going to have Amazing Grace by Susan Boyle playing as we walk OUT of the church (my gran can't bare to hear it as he's coming in so I don't know what music they'll be playing then?) We then go and drive up to the burial site after the service in church, grandad gets buried...then we are all going to the pub afterwards (its all booked) for a free buffet and tea and coffee. That bit I'm looking forward to. I was dreading the burial more than the church service, but now I think I'm dreading the church service more...at east at the burial you can sort of hide a little and put your sunglasses on to hide the fact you're crying. can't do that inside.

Well, first of all, ashamed as you may be, it's perfectly acceptable to cry at a funeral. So don't be too hard on yourself. If you need to, let it out. It's a very emotionally charged situation.

The only problem I had in the Jewish burial was, that my grandparents looked so tiny. The wrapped body just looked so.. small. That's mostly what stayed with me. It was pretty hard to see them being dropped to the grave.
When my grandmother buried my grandfather, she shouted to the undertakers to cover him up well, so he doesn't get cold. That really broke me. That was a difficult moment.

Sorry to hear that, Op. I don't like the idea of just wrapping the body up - I think I actually prefer a coffin

I'd much prefer to be cremated, but it's not a custom here.

Both of my parents had military honors at the National Military Cemetary. Folding of the flags, guns firing but the worst were "Taps", played by buglers. Mother's was ONLY female Naval WAVES SURROUNDED BY HER FEMALE ADMIRAL WAVES. THAT BROKE ME DOWN.
WHEN I WENT BACK LAST FALL, I SAT ON THEIR GRAVES for hours reading Psalms 23 and others,sobbing uncontollably...Delayed grief.
Get it out now, Lozzy girl. It is just a passing into a new adventure of God's love.

So sorry to hear that zelda. I'll be visiting granddad to let him now how manchester utd are getting on haha he loved them and we always had football banter - every Sunday. I chose a football reef for his coffin.

What's cruel about cremation, Chris?

My grandad always wanted to be buried so we had somewhere to go to visit him

So sorry to hear about your grandad, Lozzy.