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Fjord Moose: Grand Opening of Lewis' Pub

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    Welcome to Lewis' Pub of Wiltshire. All are welcome! Keep conversations civil. No sniveling. Newcomers get first pint on the house. Step up!
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    One pint of... of... um....
    Water?
  3.  
    And tater tots!
  4.  
    Can I bring my own beer? I just returned from the convenience store that has the lowest beer prices in town and the coldest ever beer ever. The beer is so cold, and it's so hot outside, that I could hardly feel the first few gulps, because it was that cold and that good! Bud Light Lime! I'm talking to you!
  5.  
    I think it gave me brain freeze.
  6.  
    Oh, okay, here's where I was a few minutes ago. I'm beginning to find a path. Okay, I'll take another! Bartender!
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2010
     
    I'll have a Rum and Pepsi, please. Make it translucent--I like them a lot of rum!
  8.  
    I like this pub! I drank one ice cold bud light lime in the bottle, and then I took a nap. Nobody bothered me, either. They let me sleep. Now I feel all energized.
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2010
     
    Just a nice Merlot for me. thank you!
  10.  
    I think we should gather around the piano and sing old folk songs.

    "Down by the Ooooold, Milllllll, stream, where I fiiiiiiirst , meeeeeet, youuuuuuuuuu."
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    Yes any drinks are available. Just ask.


    o mrsthing Rum and Pepsi lite
    o PinkGiggles Water (are you sure?)
    o zelda Merlot
    o MsFannytwinkle-Butt ....may have had enough for now.

    Pub menu special today :

    Bangers & Mash
    * Two plump pork sausages grilled and served over our white cheddar and chive lumpy mash, topped with caramelized onions and rich ale gravy

    Galway Corned Beef & Cabbage
    * Freshly braised Corned Beef served with Savoy green cabbage, carrots & baby red bliss potatoes
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2010
     
    EW EW EW!! Not Pepsi Lite, REAL Pepsi! I can't stand Diet Pepsi!

    And some bangers and mash, please.
  13.  
    Sorry Mum. Meant lite as in "Make it translucent--I like them a lot of rum!" lite. And your bangers will be up soon.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2010
     
    Oh, okay. Misunderstood. :shamed::shamed:
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    I don't eat pork! I feel very awful for the pigs.

    I love cabbage!

    I'm kind of a vegetarian, although I'm not a strict one. For some reason, I love corned beef, despite how I feel about cows, but I've never had real corned beef, like you're talking about, and I love cheddar, and I've never actually had anything you're talking about, but down here, we fix cabbage southern style.
  16.  
    I hate to bring this up, now that you're cooking, but I apologize for what happened a moment ago as I took a seat in the pub. I had my freshly opened Bud Light Lime, ice cold, right beside the computer. I sat down and took a sip, and my stomach has been absolutely killing me, actually, not my stomach, my gut. Like somebody with sharp knives in there cutting away. Another family member had some sort of virus last week, and I doctored them through and it didn't last long before she was well.

    I thought it was great that I did'nt get the flu. But no, I took a sip of the beer, and SPLAT! That pain in my gut left me. It went all over my nightgown, on the nice little pillow I had put behind my back because I'm still sore from my fall up the hill. I shit in my pub chair.

    I'm very, very sorry. But I feel so much better now! I threw away the gown and the pillow. My washer broke down and I didn't want to lug these items to the laundry mat in a haze-mat bag.

    The pain in my gut is gone. I feel cured! This pub, and this chair, and that shit, cured me!

    If any of it got on anybody else, I apologize. It was highly mobile diarrhea and it could be anywhere. You best be looking, like in those fancy drinks the inquisitor just fixed for you. I'm not responsible for shit once it leaves my body. That's been tried in court.
  17.  
    OK, let me revise. I want the bangers and mash without the bangers. Or WITH the bangers and I'll give them to MrsT. Or to that handsome gentlemen at the next table who's giving me the eye.
    *Hello, sailor!*
    And then the water. Yes, it's horrifically boring but I can't drink.
  18.  
    I just got through cleaning the bathtub, which was an unholy mess after I'd been in it! If it was dark outside, I could have gone out naked and just rolled in the grass until the poop came off me, but it was too light outside, and so I had to get in the tub.

    I'm all clean now, and ready to eat and drink.

    I'll have another Bud Light Lime.
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    Nobody's drinking? Nobody's sitting up here next to me! I DONT UNDERSTAND!
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    I'll drink with you, Fan!!

    I'd like a 57 chevy and a white russian. I'm in a mood for sweet mixed drinks, but I need some!
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    Wait, I thought I WAS sitting next to you, Fanny! Did you relegate me to the non-drinkers table?
    Help, help! I'm being repressed!
    • CommentAuthorzelda
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2010
     
    Be thankful, Pink. She still smells. Take along some freshener and sit next to Bunny. She is tiny and you can see Fanny over her head. Bunny doesn't like vomit or smells so who knows whzt can happen!
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    That's true! I'll sit in a booth where my back is to the bar area. Just in case!
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    Due to vegetarian requests, I'm adding Ploughman's lunch and a pint (or drink of choice) to the daily special.
    Bud Lite, 57 chevy and a white russian coming up and for PinkGiggles, I've got some Mash without Bangers and Siberian Glacier Water.
    Enjoy.
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    Pink, I thought you left with the sailor! I'm sorry.

    What is ploughman's lunch?
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    Wow...it is taking a while to get drinks here...are you growing the cherry to top off my drink? Is it organic? ;D
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    Bartender, do you happen to have anything with a silly straw?
    *Snarffles down PinkG's unincluded bangers*
    nnmnmnmnnmnnmnmm
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2010
     
    Hey...save some for me!
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    [...bloody tourists...]

    Yes Mum, Ploughman's lunch is a cheese sandwich, an old English favorite and it contains no meat.
    bunnistar3000 are you ready for another round?
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    No, I didn't LEAVE with the sailor, I was just making goo goo eyes at him. Turns out he smells rather of fish.
    *wipes copious amounts of gravy off a very contented Possum*
  31.  
    *content*



    So, does this mean the sailor's up for grabs too?
    I may have some more room :wink: :wink: if you know what I mean...




    .. not, not to eat him. That's not what I meant.
  32.  
    HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    Yes, you may have your go at him.
    But fair warning: He smells of fish because he actually HAS one in his left sock.
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    Oooh, I love a man with a good... fish. In his sock.


    *Makes eye contact, looks away, giggles, flips hair and glances back*

    Oh, he's so mine.
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    Bartender!! I need some more water! Possum is in need of an ice bath!
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    I'm fine!

    Whoops - I think my arm just caught fire.

    I need that arm to DRINK! COME ON!
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    *grabs Pink's glass and pours its contents on arm, only to create a large explosion*

    PinkG!! That's not water!!!
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    Heh heh....
    I mean, what?
    Inquisitor!! What kind of shenanigans are going on here??
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    *Licks off the rest of the liquid from the glass*

    Huh?
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    Before I answer that... shouldn't we get you some kind of poultice for those flames coming out of your elbow?
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    *Looks up poultice*

    Can I get it in blueberry flavor?
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    *smacks head on table*
    Never mind. Just let me know where to send the one-armed sweaters.
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    Sorry about the water Mum. Seems the waitstaff mixed up the order. The Americans got your Siberian Glacier Water and you got their Gulf Water Special with extra petroleum. Be assured that they have been sacked. Your tab today will be on the house.
  43.  
    Yaaaaayyy

    *Drinks a barrel of rum*

    glugluglug




    Wait - who's tab?..
  44.  
    It had better be MINE! I was supposed to get the glacier water!
    However, I do feel it's fair for Possum to get some kind of compensation for the nub that used to be her right arm.
  45.  
    Sexual compensation is also an option

    But no fish please
  46.  
    Pink - I think it's dangerous to leave us alone in the forum... :wink:
  47.  
    Ha!! I think you're right! But it's always such fun!
  48.  
    What's a molotov cocktail? Because I think I want one... :wink:
  49.  
    Well, I've just had something similar :bigsmile:
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2010
     
    Here's the recipe for a molotov cocktail:

    One glass bottle with cap or stopper
    One cotton rag soaked in parafin and dried
    Enough gasoline to fill the bottle
    One match
    A pair of earplugs.

    Insert earplugs.
    Fill bottle with gasoline.
    Insert rag.
    Replace cap or stopper so gas can't slosh out.
    Pick your target.
    Light the end of the rag and throw the bottle as far as you can.
    Wait for explosion.
 

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