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  1.  
    John, why is a raven like a writing desk?
    •  
      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    It gives me caws for hope...
    •  
      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    John, what was the last thing you googled?
  2.  
    Thumble! A gentleman does not speak of what he does on his own personal time!


    John, do you believe in life after love?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    "Are you asking that because of what happened with Alyce? Then the question should be: 'John, do you believe in life after death?' We'd be talking about a completely different thing, you know."


    John, how do you like your coffee? I've heard that there's a really good one made out of the poop of a big cat from somewhere in the fucking jungle. It's really expensive and it seems to taste good. Have you ever tried this one? With your ex-wives' milk or something?
    Can you say something nasty about you? I mean something really REALLY nasty, you know what I mean!
  3.  
    "I like my coffee black and the nastiest thing I can say about me is that I like wearing my girlfriend's underwear when she's out...she was a bit perplexed when she found her panties badly ripped."
  4.  
    John did you ever beat someone who couldn't defend himself?
  5.  
    Besides Garry, I mean
    •  
      CommentAuthorLozzykinz
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    my wife
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    Dolly, he tweeted me that he's had the civet poop coffee, and it was very good, but it went for about $1500/lb.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    Oh, fuck, he's done it!
    How could he pay that much for a shitty coffee, knowing that he has to pay that brutal alimony?
    • CommentAuthorcough
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    this is my favourite thread :hungry:
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    I think he just had a cup with a friend--not sure he actually bought a whole pound of it.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    I HOPE!


    John, do you ever read these things?
  6.  
    That's like asking if he's awake - you can't logically answer "no". So I am going to completely disregard this silly question.


    John - burploompen shtunkerflitz?
  7.  
    ?????? ???
  8.  
    Exactly.
  9.  
    ?? ????????, ???
  10.  
    No, you didn't understand. Let me reformulate...
  11.  
    Punyetes mai

    Okay?
  12.  
    Okay. Where's Dolly from Barcelona?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2010
     
    Is that what you're asking to John!?
    "She isn't. I mean that she isn't anywhere, not that she isn't from Barcelona. She is not. End."


    John, aren't you tired of our sticky, often flatulent, flattering insults? :3
  13.  
    No, I'm not and I would really like you to translate my answer "Punyetes mai" because Opossum's question was very offensive.
  14.  
    Do I have to say "Carajo, nunca!" to make you understand, you dirty Madrilena???
  15.  
    coño!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    ...
    Is that what John's answering?
    (I guess you have to, yes. I've been feeling so very idiot these days. I hate vacations, they dumb me)


    John, what the heck happened to the castaways from "Lost"? What the hell happened to the island? What the FUCK was that island!?
  16.  
    HA, as if I've watched television in the past 20 years.
    Lost... yes... is that the one with the professor and the coconut phone?

    John - if you were a tree,
    would you smell like elderberries?
  17.  
    what do you mean, elderberries? are you calling me an elder?

    sorry, John, I didn't mean that.

    can you still eat nougat?
    • CommentAuthorbiggalalla
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    no id still smell like creamed corn


    john would tell us do you know ? cough boy or girl
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    big: I have no idea.

    Possum: geliption forkiluck uvula.
  18.  
    :shocked:

    That explains a lot.
  19.  
    John, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCPDolly
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    "That's a dumb question! If a woodchuck was Chuck Norris it would chuck all the wood. Obviously. Naughty Opossum, you've disappointed me."


    John, have you ever met Clint Eastwood?
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    "Yes, but I wasn't feeling lucky that day, so I just nodded and moved along."

    John, could you tell us more about your connection to the Esalen Center?
  20.  
    "I was recruited to mesmerize convalescent hamsters but I've been downgraded to assistant of the assistant since I made an alcoholic hamster beg for Vicodin."
  21.  
    John, if you could choose the way you will die, how would you want it to happen?
    •  
      CommentAuthorPaute
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2010
     
    Having sex.

    John if I lend my car. You can drive on the right side?
  22.  
    "Of course, do you think I'm a retard!? The right side is the left side, right? Where do I go now? Left? Right. I've understood, LEFT! Weird kind of car...and now? Right or left? Right. LEFT, right! O-kay! Wtf, drive your damn car yourself and get me home, I'm tired, I'm cold and I think I'm going to throw up."
  23.  
    John, can you do the lotus position?
    •  
      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2010
     
    Front seat or back seat?
    •  
      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2010
     
    John, have you ever had sex in your Lotus?
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2010
     
    Only by myself. :wink:

    No, seriously--not in the Lotus, but there was that time with the Swedish twins in my Range Rover.
    •  
      CommentAuthorkumbaya
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2010
     
    And your question is?.... Allow me...


    John, is it true that you once played one of Winston Churchill's bogeys in a Derek and Clive Live episode? I believe you did a couple of silly picks? (OK, you had to be there).
  24.  
    Yes, it's certainly true. Old Winston and I were quite the pair of chums. I was a big influence on him and wrote most of his speeches. It's not my fault he cut out the funny parts.

    John, just how many small rodents have you eaten in your day? And how many were covered in gooseberry gravy?
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2010
     
    I've lost count, and only the really large ones that had enough meat and fat on them to make gravy.
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2010
     
    Dear John:

    Do you wear pajamas/pyjamas to bed?
  25.  
    I wear neither. Garry seems so much more timid when he comes to wake me up and I'm wearing nothing but a thong. Priceless.


    John, milk chocolate?
    • CommentAuthormrsthing
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2010
     
    "No, I'm lactose intolerant. But I do like a bit of brown sugar now and then, if you know what I mean." :wink:

    Dear John: Please, please tell me you're not one of those fat old guys wearing Speedos on the Riviera!
  26.  


    "At least I'm not fat"

    John, if your daughter Camilla told you she's dating Michael Winner, how would you react?
    • CommentAuthorcough
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2010
     
    lol

    (no, that's not john, that's my reaction to her question)