The Spanking New John Cleese Forum - All Discussions

Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold

thumble — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:23:45 +0000

I simply have to share this moment with my fellow Cleesiastics...

I am not usually given to sentimentalism, and I'm sure everyone here has heard the bittersweet story of probably the most amazing songbird of all time.

Eva Cassidy, a singer from the Washington area in the early 90's, who died in relative obscurity in the prime of her life, and was discovered years later by a British DJ (Terry Wogan), had a hauntingly beautiful voice. She wrote none of her own songs - just interpreted the songs of others that she chose according to her own discriminating tastes. I just shared this particular track with my lovely daughters, so I thought I'd share it with you guys too.

Here is the URL of the Youtube video (sorry guys, I still don't know how to link it), and following are the gorgeous lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGwDYBWEDSc

I saw Sting perform this three years ago, and loved the song. I heard Eva sing it a few days ago, and it left me helpless....

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold
So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley?
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold
See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

With love....

OCCUPY JOHN CLEESE

msfannytwinkle-butt — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 23:35:12 +0000

That's right. We are "OCCUPY JOHN CLEESE" and that's not going to be as smoothly as say, Occupy New York, Occupy Your Own Bedroom, or even OCCUPY Whereever It Is Where MsThing Lives. I'd offer you OCCUPY MISSISSIPPI but I don't think it would go over very well.

Pick up your heart, MsThing, and do not let it be broken. Just Occupy. Occupy John Cleese.

We're going to start slowly. First it will be Occupy just his mailbox. If he ever notices, he will think people are loitering at the curb. I don't know where he lives. So just put an effigy by the curb. Do not set fire to it. That would bring me bad luck. Please remember I am not 6'ft tall, I am 5. Please remember that not all of us can lean on the mailbox at the same time. That would be suspicious.

Who's making the OCCUPY JOHN CLEESE t-shirts?

Terry on the BBC

msknight — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 08:35:05 +0000

Terry is going to be on BBC Breakfast this morning and, among the questions, are whether the Pythons are getting back together.

If someone can watch it (because I'm going to work ... boo ... well, at least it pays for my Cleese DVDs ... yay!) ... then please let me know what is said!

Never mind...NO NEW FORUM :-(

mrsthing — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 16:47:41 +0000

The latest I've heard is that there will be no new forum for the foreseeable future. I'm REALLY pissed off at this, because as much as some of us don't want to be shackled by admins, the new members who've been waiting for eternity to get approved will just have to continue to sit on their hands. I hardly think this is fair to them or to us. I don't know what is going through John's or Garry's minds. Probably nothing. I don't think they give a flying fuck about this forum anymore. I haven't bothered to bother Garry about this as it's not his job anymore, despite the new website guy's insistence that it was Garry who told him not to go ahead with a new forum. I'm trying to restrain myself from giving John a piece of my mind on Twitter and Facebook. I probably won't succeed.

So....

As you were.

UPDATE, 20 January: Feeling better now. I know it's probably not John's or Garry's fault; they may have legitimate reasons for not going ahead with a new forum right now. I just couldn't work around my disappointment the other day. Sorry guys.

Congratulations Mr Potato head.

englishcad — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 22:06:37 +0100

Congratulations Mr Potato head on getting married again, this one appears not to be in kit form, or possessed! Hooray for the McCartney's...

Uncanny!! Remember kids just say no to plastic surgery...

I shall play for you the song of my people

mrsthing — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:12:16 +0000

***WARNING: SPIDER!***

Am I in love?

CPDolly — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:58:46 +0100

Aaaaahh...
I must be in love

Where Is MrsThing?

msfannytwinkle-butt — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 23:16:30 +0000

Dear MrsThing, I hope you are not stuck in the snow. I hope you have power, and that you merely are having a great time doing something else other than internet. Thinking about you, and wishing you well,
Your friend,
Fanny.
PS: Do you want me to send you some spam? I don't know how expensive it is, but
I'm willing to buy a can and send it SOS (Send Our Spam), promptly, if needed.
Love,
Fanny.
PSPS: I know I kidded around about the snow, but I truly hope you are not having a bad time and I'm sorry that it snowed, because your town hasn't been thawed out too long from last Spring. But don't worry, the tornado clouds appeared today where I am, and so, whatever just end this letter for me because I'm just no good with letters. I get bored with what I am writing.
Sincerely,
Fanny.
PSPSPS:
If you are not bored with this letter by now, then u know that eye am learning
how-2 text. I would prefer palindromes to this.
Thoughtfully,
Fanny.

We Will NOT Have Admins Soon!

mrsthing — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:36:16 +0000

UPDATE: No new forum, no admins. Please pass me the vibrator and the Mt. Gay rum. Fuck.

When the forum goes over to the new site (I don't think that transition is complete yet), we will have one or more admins. It will be nice to have some new members finally able to join us. And someone to break up the fights.

DEAD

biggalalla — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 03:39:45 +0000

Dead As the proverbial PARROT.

Life after the forum

zelda — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:46:34 +0000

What will you do with all this extra time. I will think on it. Most of you know.

Flatulence - a rose by any other name....

thumble — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:16:07 +0000

If Flatulence is a dry one, is splatulence a wet one?

And is congratulence a really superb one?

And do transport drivers let go with truculence?

So many questions, so much methane...

Door creaks slowly open, pulls away dense cobwebs, opens paint peeling shutters ...

englishcad — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 23:01:40 +0000

Cad has returned, from his time spent at her majesty's pleasure...
Dear God what has happened? His Holiness gone?
Why have you forsaken us??
Oh right, no money to be made here.

THE LAST MEAL REQUEST before forum is killed

msfannytwinkle-butt — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 14:38:19 +0000

To Garry, Mr. Cleese, Mrs Thing, all who have anything to do with this forum ending -- oh hell, it already ended, didn't it? Anyway, my last meal request before the forum is killed:

Rhubarb pie
not stewed rhubarb in a saucepan, but real rhubarb pie with lattice work crust with sugar sprinkled on the top

lasagna
it should be really long, tall and thick, meaty and warm

reminds me of something else I'd like but that's not food

chocolate meringue pie
real chocolate, with real meringue

no wine, whiskey or wait, no, no, no, SCOTCH! Scotch and water. Expensive Scotch.

hand sanitizer, not to eat, but to use after the lasagna which must be full of good tomatoe sauce that is spiced with all the right spices and not some phony fake sauce

okay, that's it. I'd like a very large fork and spoon with it all.
Okay, never mind, use the plastic throw-away utensils. That's okay.
BUT no paper plate. I want a proper pottery plate, not china, what a waste, but
nice earthenware pottery, that keeps the lasagna warm.

I'm excited.

HAPPY NEW 2012!!!

chris14 — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 06:10:26 +0000

I hope we'll all have a really fantastic year in 2012, with no negative events, no world-ending, etc. 2011 was quite a mixed one for the most of us. 2012 must be happier.

The Forum Book, 2nd edition, is here!

mrsthing — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 19:25:03 +0100

Well, not *here*, but

RIGHT HERE.
This is the full-color hard copy version, $39.90.

And the $15.50 black and white hard copy version is HERE

And the $7.50 ebook is OVER HERE

Shipping methods, times, and costs:

US Postal service 8-20 days $3.99
UPS Ground 5-10 days $8.99
Expedited 5-7 days $16.99
Express 4-6 daya $36.99

Those times include the 3-5 day order processing time that PRECEDES the shipping time. If you order today, it will take 3-5 days for Lulu to process the order, and the rest of the time is shipping.

Everyone needs to thank Possum PROFUSELY for all her hard work. Check out the preview--lots of attention to detail, the artwork is great, I was ROFLMAO just from the first 8 pages! I've already ordered 3 copies: one for John, one for Garry, and one for myself. It won't get to him in time for his birthday, but he will get it in November, so we've shaved 5 months off our previous belatedness.

Nobody Told Me!!!

thumble — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 01:19:38 +0100

Why didn't I get an envoy or something, to inform me I had won the Humility Award last year. I would have humbly returned, bowed and scraped, and slobbered gratefully over the mere thought of such an award.

But no! Not a sausage. Bugger all. Denied even the whiff of a sniff. (Snort!) Thanks a bloody lot, my so-called ex-friends.

Aaah, that's much better. How's everyone doing?

The Farting Old John Cleese Forum

thumble — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 23:44:27 +0000

Strikes me that since this forum is about to expire, catch on fire, and go to heat its maker, we should change the name of this particular forum to something more appropriate.

Any other ideas? The winner gets to carve it into the carcass before we drive stake through it.

Am I being too harsh? Would a simple funeral pyre suffice?

Grand Opening of Lewis' Pub

The Inquisitor — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 01:26:41 +0100

Welcome to Lewis' Pub of Wiltshire. All are welcome! Keep conversations civil. No sniveling. Newcomers get first pint on the house. Step up!

ieldtodsh

Lozzykinz — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 21:55:38 +0100

A 'new' member...

yeah, right...

sounds like someone has vomited his name up.

Welcome here Ntuianetwo!

chris14 — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 23:31:05 +0100

Welcome, but your name is a bit weird and can't be spelled or pronounced.

CELEBRATION OF 3 EVENTS!!!

chris14 — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 03:43:12 +0000

Event 1: I REACHED MY TEN-THOUSANDTH POSTS!!!!!
Event 2: THE FORUM IS ALIVE AGAIN - SEVERAL FORUM MEMBERS RETURNED!
Event 3: OBVIOUSLY IT IS THE CELEBRATION OF THE DAY OF THE NEW YEAR'S EVE.

B E W A R E!!!

mrsthing — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 01:22:03 +0100

Beware of darkness.
Beware of men who are overly fond of cats.
Beware of birds that fly into your house and perch on your bed post.
Beware of skinny chefs.
Beware of men with heart-shaped faces.
Beware of grifting bear geeks.

Do you?

thumble — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 01:25:36 +0000

Recently our good friend bigallala made the comment "any woman would do me". I took his comment as the rather arrogant statement "any woman would fuck me". In reality, who but Tom Cruise, or Roger Moore 30 years ago, could honestly say "any woman would fuck me"?

I realized what biggy-boy meant was "any woman would suffice"....to receive the benefit of his manhood.

"Big" difference.

So how about a little analysis of the usage of this most powerful verb?

If, like me, one assumes that in the majority of cases, "to do" means "to fuck", what does this mean for society?

For example, if one is being introduced to the Queen, would one say "Your Majesty, how fuck you fuck? One would likely not be amused, but too doing bad.

Any other thoughts? I have many. I will fuck my best.

The Forum Joke Book

mrsthing — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:03:03 +0100

A place to collect jokes, humorous anecdotes, pithy quotes, etc. Here's mine:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your
doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from
another Mr. Sanders arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one
is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.'

'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests
one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere
in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

Fucking Hell!

mrsthing — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 22:46:14 +0000

Chris, what are you doing, resurrecting all these ancient threads? Trying to catch up to me? Trying to get your total as high as you can before the forum goes away? I haven't got time to read all these threads!

Optimal jobs for John

chris14 — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 01:56:36 +0000

As John needs the money to give it to You-Know-Who, he should be employed by the Transport for London. We could hear his voice all over London, on every single bus and tube.

I can imagine him saying this:

'Mind the gap. I SAID MIND THE GAP, YOU SILLY BASTARD! OH, YOU BROKE YOUR LEG, YOU IDIOT! I WARNED YOU! Oh, the stupid git. Anyway, the next station is...'

Or on the buses:

'Zero zero to Somewhere. The next stop is closed therefore you're not allowed to leave this bloody thing - at least not alive.'

Replacing One Word of a Song, Book, or Movie Title with the word "Arse"

mrsthing — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 21:15:24 +0100

"I Wanna Hold Your Arse"

"Mary Shelley's Arse"

"Monty Python and the Holy Arse"

Limericks on each other

chris14 — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 15:21:56 +0100

Last night I decided to cheer Lozzy up with some lims, and this inspired me that I wrote lims on others, too.

quelle surprise

mrsthing — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 22:47:43 +0000

As if nobody saw this coming:

Russell Brand and Katy Perry Divorcing