The Spanking New John Cleese Forum - All Discussions

Welcome all new Cheeselets

jackcheese — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 11:41:06 +0000

Once you have registered please sign in here with your welcome greetings

How to post pictures, links, and quotes and do some text effects

mrsthing — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 23:53:31 +0100

***Pictures:

Copy the URL of the photo you want to paste. JPGs work well, GIFs are iffy.
Paste the URL in a comments box on the forum.
Put after. No spaces between the URL and the quotation marks.
Tick or click on the Html button below the box in which you enter your comments.
Submit

If the picture doesn't have a URL, upload it to something like Photobucket, and get the URL from there. To embed a picture, it has to have a URL.

If the picture doesn't print, check to make sure you coded it properly. Extra spaces, missing spaces, incorrect or missing or extra characters--all these cause failure.

***Links:

Copy and paste the URL of the item you want to link.
Type TEXT after. Where it says "TEXT" here, type the name you want for the link. It can be as long or as short as you like.
Tick or click on the Html button below the box in which you enter your comments.
Submit

If you add 'target="_blank"' in the html link code it'll open a new window, instead of taking over your beloved cleeseblog window! (At least, it works that way in Internet Explorer!)

that is, Type target="_blank" href=" before the URL and ">TEXT after.

If it doesn't work, check to make sure you typed the whole thing correctly.

***To insert a quote:

Copy and paste the text you want to appear in the quote box.
You have to enter some hard returns (press the enter key) or the text will come out in one long line, merrily traveling outside the box and possibly off the page.
Type before it and after it.
Finish your post.
Tick or click on the Html button below the box in which you enter your comments.
Submit.

In order to embed a video, you have to have an unidentified button between the Text and Html buttons. I get this in Safari, but not in Firefox. If you don't have three buttons below the comments box, try another browser. If that doesn't work, you'll have to post a link instead.

***For text effects:

Italics are text
Bold is text
Underline is text
Strikethrough is ~~text~~

***Emoticons:

Click on Vanillacons just above the "submit" button. There are 5 separate categories of emoticons, but you can only display one at a time.

***For different font sizes:

Size 1
Size 2
Size 3
Size -2
Size -1
Size +1
Size +2

***For different font colors:

red
blue
green
yellow
orange
violet
purple
pink
silver
gold
gray
aqua
skyblue
lightblue
fuchsia
khaki

***For moving text:
Thusly

***To insert "fill in the blank" text boxes:

***To insert check boxes:

Signing Up To This Forum: The New User Policy

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:41:12 +0100

New forum applications are vetted.

This is because the old forum became spammy. Therefore, if you have a dodgy-looking email address, or if you make multiple requests, or if you request an inconsistent or suspicious user name such as "iwillpunchyouinthefaceandstealyourwallet" or "IWantYourBabiesNow!" or some similarly annoying monicker, or, if your email address is dsgsajhdfjhgsdjkf@hotmail.com or wibblytrotters@gmail.com but your user name says "Rupert Bear" or "Miranda Freshcakes" chances are you won't be let in on the basis that you might be evil, and then we'd have to waste time removing you.

That's it! Have a nice day!

About This Forum

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:07:27 +0100

"AS IS"

The Spanking New John Cleese forum is offered "as is" with no guarantee of anything whatsoever.

CONTENT POLICY

Tolerance and respect = the policy. This forum is for grown ups. We expect a live-and-let-live attitude to prevail at all times. Banter is allowed. Flaming, trolling or abuse is not allowed.

GOOD BEHAVIOUR

Your continued use of this forum depends upon your being good, and we alone decide what is good. Bad behaviour, including posting spam, making nasty personal comments (including in private messages) or getting on too many people's nerves will result in membership being terminated.

NB: We reserve entirely the right to ban any member for any reason at any time.

PUBLIC CONTENT

Do not post things here which you do not want to be public. Or to put it another way, anything you post here will be public, show up in search engines, and might be republished elsewhere.

SUPPORT

There is no technical or other support. It's totally up to members to navigate and make use of the forum. If you get confused, generally you will find that the (mostly) helpful members will assist you.

TERMS

These bare-bones terms may be arbitrarily amended at any time and your continuing use of this forum indicates your acceptance of them.

Enjoy!

Why did it all have to stop?

jackcheese — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 10:21:47 +0000

This old forum is an old friendly pub you once frequented. The smell of the place, the sounds and the taste of the air, especiall if you're sitting near the toilets are so reminiscent of tall tales, japes, banter, bickering and camaraderie.

It just had to return, it had to open its doors once more and not go the way of all community spaces and become a themed restaurant with a measly wine list and petit-bourgeois menus. Back come the pies, the crisps and the peanuts, the warm beer and the farts of the old dog by the fire.

FINALLY: A FORUM YOU CAN USE! (Hint: it's not this one--see first post for details!)

mrsthing — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 19:08:26 +0000

Yes, there's a new forum where those rats who have been waiting so patiently to desert the ship can finally leap into the watery abyss! Please go to http://thejohncleese.com/forum/ or click HERE to get started. We're looking forward to seeing you! Or, just use this one. It's actually more fun.

Towel Day / Python surprise

Spiny Norman — Fri, 25 May 2012 12:43:57 +0100

It's Towel Day today! Here's a special Douglas Adams & Monty Python surprise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saxhV4gzm5c

hello guests

biggalalla — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 22:53:57 +0000

please try to join x

THE NEW FORUM IS UP AND RUNNING ON JOHN'S NEW SITE!

mrsthing — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 18:51:02 +0000

THE NEW FORUM IS UP AND RUNNING!

Just go to John's New Forum and create an account for yourself. All you new members who have been so patiently waiting--you can post on the new forum! And all of us regulars can, too. So come on over!

Don't forget: John cannot visit this forum. But he might visit the new one.

A THREAD FOR WRITERS, POETS, POET LAUREATS, ARTISTS, ETC...

chris14 — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 01:45:27 +0000

Thanks God, we have more and more writers on this forum. We had many similar threads, but all of those died. Let me keep at least this one alive, please!!!!!!

We can write about our own written materials, we can post our own written materials. Well, because of the limited (or unlimited??????!!!!!! I've never tried this frame's limits) space, poems are more likely to be posted. But if the space lets us, we can write anything. I think this forum's safe enough, and copyrighted, perhaps, although I'm not sure about this, but we can be each others' witnesses, in case if something happens.

The Non-Sequitur Thread

mrsthing — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 07:58:27 +0100

No post can have anything to do with the three immediately preceding it. So you'll have to read those three before you post.

Don't answer anyone's comments in this thread.

Don't go all passive agressive and start a conversation. It's just a game.

Be brief.

It is a miracle! The Parrot is alive!!!!!

zelda — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 23:49:13 +0000

Yep. Check out the new John Cleese Introduction. The parrott talks. It's alive!

How embarrassing!!!

chris14 — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 00:09:12 +0000

I went to the book presentation that had been recommended and tweeted by John today. It was the book presentation of A. M Crawford's The Titan Prophecy, Rise Of The Dark One.

The problem was that our dearest of the dearests John forgot to mention that it wouldn't be held in a book store that I'd imagined.

I've got a meeting at the Covent Garden which isn't too far away from the place where the presentation was, but I couldn't manage to arrive earlier therefore I was late an hour. This is embarrassing itself, but I thought I'd hide away somewhere deep inside in the bookshop or in a corner not to bother others.

My first shock was when I entered, there was a guy who accepted the guests. I told him what I wanted and I knew I was late, he said not to worry, just go upstairs, 5th floor. The second shock was when stepping out of the elevator there was a reception-desk, with a guy and a girl, asking me where I was heading to. It was already very suspicious, I already thought it wouldn't be just a simple book-signing in a bookshop. And when at least 2 or 3 girls accompanied me further inside, I started panicking.

In the room, everyone was properly dressed (I was soaked a bit from the tiny rain all afternoon, arrived just from the street in street-wear) so I felt extremely embarrassed. But everybody was nice and unnerving, tried to make me feel better. I talked to the most of them, including the author (she signed a copy of her book for me).

And there was someone who looked exactly like John's girlfriend, Jenny... I talked to her as well, but I guess she's in Australia with John... So, she either wasn't Jenny, or she's not in Australia with him.

The book seems interesting, the author explained that it's a bit like Harry Potter with mythological characters (from the Greek Mythology). John had already mentioned this book a couple of months ago, it must be very good. I'm looking forward to reading it, I'll let you know what my opinion is when I'm ready.

MISSING: Zelda and Foote

mrsthing — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 01:14:38 +0000

Where can they be? Did they lose their way in Juarez? Did Jerry Springer's cat return from the dead to finish them off?

We're all at the new forum, Sis Z. I hope we'll see you there soon!

PROBLEMS SIGNING UP ON THE NEW FORUM?

mrsthing — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 15:39:54 +0000

Try going to John's new home page.

Click on the "Forum" link at the bottom of the page.

On the right hand side of the page, click on the "Apply for Membership" button.

Fill in the fields, and click on the "Sign up" button.

If that doesn't work, let Lozzy or me know here or on Facebook, and we'll see what we can do.

John Cleese Carefully Considers Your Futile Comments:

Paute — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 21:40:45 +0000

Hello, I'm Michael Palin...

Fantastic show, wonderful company and a very kind gesture.

englishcad — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 18:27:32 +0100

Despite the best efforts of the John Cleese forum members to hide from Cad, they were unable. Cad arriving at the red lion pub a mere three hours late, finding it to be devoid of forum members. Cad went straight into hunter mode (after two pints of lager and a packet of beef crisps). Tirelessly (and bravely) Cad searched, one pub after another, briefly stopping in each, for a couple of beers and to chat up any pretty barmaids who might be present. Finally Cad tracked down the lovely Lozzy in the theater bar. Despite her frantic screaming and holding up a crucifix, Cad managed to ascertain the others were somewhere in the building. The first part of the show was first rate, as was to be expected. Then in the interval Cad found the others, try as they might to hide. Eventually they had to give in to Cads frantic waving and shouting, and some what embarrassing pleading. Cad even getting a hug from the oh so pretty Opossum (that was Cads phone in his pocket honest)... After meeting everyone and not having been beaten to a bloody pulp as Cad had expected. It transpired that Garry had arranged for the great man to meet us all after the show! What terrible things Garry had, had to endure to arrange this, God only knows? Cad did notice in the press this morning, Johns speeding ticket had been sorted out, so that's another three points on Garrys driving license then.

The second half of the show an absolute delight. The Audience loving every second. After the show the forum members all gathered in the down stairs bar, to wait for the great man to appear... Turkish was on top form, making everyone laugh. This helping to keep nerves at bay. Some of the ladies started to get a little tongue tied, as John strolled towards us. Cad is far to much of a gentleman to mention names, Mrsthing, CP no one ever need know. John was great, instantly putting everyone at their ease. This despite being tired from putting his heart and soul into his brilliant performance. He posed for pictures, signed everything that was put in front of him, including Zelda! Answering a myriad of questions... He spent the best part of half an hour with us. Dazzling the lovely Kisch with his Russian. Val and her super boyfriend with his Italian. Some fantastic photos and video were taken. Mrsthings smile reaching from ear to ear, she even broke into song as we left the theather... Cad is sure everyone will post their accounts, these being just some of the things Cad was lucky enough to witness. What a great bunch of people. Cad wishes to thank each and everyone of you for such a delightful evening.

John and Garry what a lovely gesture, thank you both, you made a great evening perfect!

Python Pubs

thumble — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 02:52:34 +0000

Since the juxtaposition of incongruous nouns (and few adjectives and stray adverbs) is a historic trademark of our Founding Farters, I would like to raise a glass to those who fell down drunk before us, and will do again, behind us, and probably at the big white telephone around the back.

I give you...my very own local, from downtown East Grinstead...the renowned

Gargoyle and Spigot.

Anybody else got a favorite local? i have a few more ;)

WELCOM JOHN CHESE TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY BY YOUR FORUMITES

zelda — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 19:54:55 +0100

WELCOME LADIES AND GNTLEMAN, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY AND NITE, FROM lONDON ARE, SPAIN,ITALY, RUSSIA, ISRAEL,NETHERLANDS, SWITZERLAND, MONACO, AUSTRALIA,THE UNITED STATES INCLUDING CANADA AND THE GREAT ISLE OF MANN.

WE WILL BE COMING AT DIFFERENT TIMES WAITING FOR THE GREAT ONE, BUT FIRST A FIEW EPISODES FROM JOHN'S DEEVELOPMENTAL YEARS.
FIRST IS MRSTHING HIS FIRST FAN AND GROUPY WHO HAS FOLLOWED HIM FOR AT LEAST 50 YEARS.

TELL US MRSTHING WHAT ORIGINALLY ATTRACTED YOU TO MR. CHEESE, ER CLEESE?

Tell me your problems. Your personal Mental Dustbin

chris14 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 07:18:57 +0000

Yeah. So, Dr Mental Dustbin opens her clinic. If you worry about something, need an advice, or just need someone to listen to you, be brave and ask and tell me.

Word Association

Valetudinaria — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 10:14:34 +0100

The usual old game...but, as we are not the usual old people, it might turn into something different. E.g. When I was unaware of Fawlty Towers' existence, to me "Torquay" meant "Agatha Christie". As I am evidently affected with megalomania (and still unaware if JC did see my Fawlty amateurish video, which I made...let's see...9 months ago? - Your Holiness, I don't want to be insistent but WOULD YOU LET ME KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT IT? "I watched it and decided not to tell you anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings but as you keep on asking...it's the most embarassing piece of junk that I've ever seen. Happy now?" would be a welcome reply) I dare to post it once again. The first word is "Torquay". No rules, just say what the word reminds you of. We can amuse ourselves by playing to the amateurish psychoanalyst, at least. (E.g. "Lozzy, I said 'chocolate' and you replied 'shit'. Is there something you would like to talk about?") TORQUAY

Hacked

zelda — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 04:35:10 +0000

I have been notified by Facebook,the second time in 4 mths that my account had been hacked by someone near Chicago. All of my passwords have to be changed. Be careful!

COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU!!!

mrsthing — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 13:35:26 +0000

Okay, we've been back and forth with this "new forum/no new forum" thing. But at long last, it looks like the new forum IS a reality and should be operational sometime next week, possibly as early as Monday.

I've had a sneak peek, and it seems really great. Features I like:

1. NO MORE HTML!!! :cheer::crazy::cheer::crazy::jumping: The comment box has a menu bar above it, similar to a Gmail comment box, so you can edit without having to remember all that stuff about angle brackets and nesting and making sure the characters are just so. I haven't tried inserting images or video yet.

2. WE CAN STILL SAY FUCK! And shit, damn, goddamn, fucking, motherfucker, cocksucker, tits, and any other naughty word you can think of. That was one thing I was adamant about when talking with the new admins.

3. WE WILL HAVE NEW MEMBERS! They'll be able to sign up and join. No that we don't have a nice little club here, but personally, I'd enjoy interacting with a few more people.

4. JOHN AND GARRY WILL BE ABLE TO VISIT!!! Due to rights issues pertaining to this forum, John and Garry cannot log on here. Ever. But they will be able to log on to the new forum. Whether they will or not remains to be seen, but at least they *can* now.

5. THIS FORUM IS NOT GOING AWAY!!! Again, due to rights issues, John can't take this forum down. I have no idea whether the owner/s of the rights to this forum will ever decide to take it down, or if they'll just leave it here. I don't know anything more about the problem than that.

OTHER FEATURES

We *will* have admins, two of them. Lozzy and I will be moderators. We will be able to ban people, but neither Lozzy nor I can imagine ever having to do that with any of the current members. That's mainly to get rid of spammers and trolls.

I don't know if you'll get an invite to the new forum from the admins, or if you'll just sign up. Lozzy and I will try to keep you posted.

Snarly

zelda — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 18:40:11 +0100

Lozzykinz's desire to desert touched home with me and I have a new coin word for today...snarly.

I do not know about you, but, my life has been full of demands for perfection. Well, I am not perfect, shish, the good God did not make us that way and the Aliens did not seem too hot at it either. So then why do we have to be perfect. Not talking about this place but many places. It is a new world and my generation has certainly slugged loved and smoked and doped itself into embarrasement...well not just my generation and not me so personally, but it certainly is out there... So. I am throwing perfection into my mother's garbage can, telling all the psycho-pervs in my life to cause I am SNARLY!

I went to a book signing in the big city last night. I was in a bad mood. I was with my lovely cousin and her mother-in-law who were oh so tolerant! I did not smile, I rolled my eyes, I butted in front of people, and complained about the seats till we got new ones. I sat down put my head on my hand and read my email. As this beautiful author discussed his book far up on stage, I had a running conversation with myself, wiggled in the seat, I shook my foot and was generally not myself. I was SNARLY. No one knew me, I didn't bother anyone and I really feel good about this accomplishment. So Twats and Twatlets. Does anyone feel SNARLY?
Not b*tchy or witchy...just snarly?

Spanking new Academy Awards

zelda — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 07:19:04 +0000

You choose. I accept for best member maintining sanity in 2011.

Wild Gobblers attack Southern Mississippi!

zelda — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:49:02 +0000

CNN announced this several days ago. No reason was given for the attack by the Northern wild turkey's attack except a change in the weather and language. Authorities are bewildered and have no explanation for this Post holiday rampage..."They will be punished to the fullest extent of the law" quoted the Sherriff of Biloxi, Mississippi on the grounds of the family home of PresIdent Jefferson Davis,United Confederacy of the South. No attacks were found on the grounds and the Turkeys struck at the casinos that line the beautiful Gulf Coast with their purple carpets and tastless nickell slot
machines. 'It is a bewilderment", sajd the local sheriff. Dangest thing I ever did see."

*True storey I picked up on a local station while traveling through the area while on holidays. Didn't get whole story, but thought it funny considering our occasional comments on the State of Mississippi*

A Bone

zelda — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 10:19:33 +0100

I think it would be nice if JC could throw us a little bone about now. Fjorn Moose are getting restless!
Zelda

Name change

The Inquisitor — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:29:39 +0000

Dear Admins;

I hear you're coming back to police the site (or nuke it). Either way, I would like to request a change of name. I started here because I was a Monty Python fan and thought a 'name' from my favorite bit would be cute. I understand now that this is more than Python. More than the wonderful lifetime of enjoyment I've gotten from the British crew. I have progressed beyond that. I would like to formally request my name be changed to 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv'.

Yours Truly
Lewis

Gorgeous Men

mrsthing — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 04:04:19 +0000

Who are all dead, and relatives, but here they are. Total eye candy!

I'll find some more tomorrow. I'm too tired to dig right now.

Welcome Back, Dear Forum!!!

Naughty Opossum — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 13:22:08 +0100

Alright! The forum was down for about 16 hours, but now it's BACK, and
BETTER THAN EVER!!!

We need to have a PARTY!!!!!!

I'll bring the bloooonnssssss